How I Am Navigating Motherhood in My 40’s.
I was pregnant at the age of 39 in 2018 and had my rainbow baby in 2019 at the age of 40 via C-section. Today is Mother’s Day and I have been reflecting on my motherhood journey a lot this week. So I thought I’d share my experiences and insights so far as a #momover40.
Having lost my first pregnancy, it was a thrilling yet apprehensive feeling at the same time. My gynae however assured several times that I was going to be fine as long as I took my folic acid and other hormonal tablets. Then he later informed me that due to my age 39 , it was safer for it to be a C-section birth. Then I read up on the risks women over 30 face during pregnancy and childbirth: preeclampsia, high blood pressure, kids with Down syndrome, miscarriages, stillbirth etc. To say that didn’t scare me a bit would be a lie. What did I do? I took it all before God and left it there. See, I hadn’t even heard of the word geriatric pregnancy until I saw an instagram post by ToniTone. This world and labels 🙂. I spent quite a lot of time resting during my pregnancy for fear of losing this as well. But I was restless and wanted to still continue updating my blog etc but carpel tunnel syndrome was not having any if it. I felt frustrated that I couldn’t continue creating content on my blog due to this condition. My life was literally on hold or rather it was God’s way of asking me to rest up for the journey ahead.
The surgery was a success and I recovered well but painfully . There’s nothing more humbling than someone bathing you because of your inability to do so. That three day hospital stay taught me a lot.
I’m actually thankfully that I have had more life experiences at this age which gave me more confidence in taking care of my daughter whilst balancing the opening of my restaurant Essi’s in East Legon at that time. A good nanny and a reliable family support system always came through for me when I needed meals or babysitting. I don’t take that for granted.
Constantly exhausted
Motherhood is exhausting irrespective of one’s age, but at this my 40 yr old age and balancing it with cooking and running a restaurant everyday was truly a struggle uphill which took only grace. I was breastfeeding exclusively for six months and sleep deprivation hit me like a ton of bricks. Gosh, I can’t count the number of times I left the house with my clothes turned inside out or still wearing a hairnet in the middle of the day whilst driving to find more wipes and diapers! I also dropped the baby during one of the nights breastfeeding as I could barely keep my eyes open. A frightful guilt ridden experience I tell you! But God really watches over our little ones! Even now I wake up with more aches in places I didn’t know existed
Self-care
You know how a lot of times, you’re told to take care of yourself so as to be strong to take care of your little one? Yeah, well I missed quite a few selfcare moments in the first two years. I was always on the go and I mean this literally. My weight dropped to 55kgs from all the driving from East Legon hills everyday to East Legon , breastfeeding, home issues and whatnots life threw at me. I then had to relocate to Osu after Covid hit the restaurant operations in 2020. I took a bold decision to stop breastfeeding my baby at 1yr five months. What a fight that was! She wouldn’t agree! 😂 But I did it. I went for a facial, got rid of clothes which didn’t fit anymore due to my weight loss and bought new ones to boost my confidence! I started a gratitude journal to remind me of God’s blessings thus far and this was super transformational ! A Mommy friend and I created a young moms’ WhatsApp group to share our challenges and triumphs in motherhood. We are a strong community of Moms and we always come through for each other in the most kindest and gracious ways ever!
Struggles with break in career
During my pregnancy I really struggled with this being unable to go places and write on my blog. My right wrist was in hell and I was in a constant state of exhaustion. I’d go on instagram and see women my age doing amazing things and I must admit I felt envious. So I decided to stay off IG for most of the time and focus on growing a healthy baby. A friend once said to me, “ your child is yours to take off for the next two years. The men really don’t do much.” I later saw how true that was. But the benefit of having your own business as a new mom meant I could space out my schedules and choose when to take breaks. But yeah, I came back and my blog had cobwebs all over it 😜😅. Writing has always been a major part of my life and I knew I wasn’t going to shut this blog down despite my crazy schedules and balancing this with motherhood. Motherhood has now given me more content to share digitally and I find that to be so fulfilling.
Society’s expectations
At this grown age of mine , people are already asking me when I’ll give my daughter a brother or sister 👀 See! You can’t see the gray hairs on my head? Like have some compassion on me wai!
My daughter is almost four and I’m simply grateful for the goodness of God from day 1 when she was laid on my chest to now. I’m grateful for my Mother who came to stay with us for three months to help out. She’s been a blessing and a super grandma! I’m grateful for Comfort who came to stay with us during the Covid lockdown season and now my daughter’s bestie 😃. Comfort really did the most. Nii Koi , who drove my Mom every Sunday to East Legon hills and always helping out with the heavy stuff at home. I had a good nanny who really shared in a lot of the ups and downs of my journey. I am majorly thankful .
Motherhood in your late 30’s to 40’s is a wild ride filled with so much chaos and rewarding moments. I approach it in the right mindset even as a co-parent because she’s really looking up to me. Every action and word I speak she’s learning and growing. I’ve become more patient and empathetic. If you survive terrible twos, teething, breastfeeding you can survive a zombie apocalypse and Ghanaian trotro drivers. Trust me. 😄. I’ve learnt to use my support system when I feel the weight bearing down on me and chosen days on when I need an insane Thai massage. I just pray to God for favor and long life to see her grow to be an amazing woman!
Happy Mothers Day to you Moms! You do all! You are simply amazing ! If you just had a baby, know that you are learning this and mistakes will happen but it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You are actually winning every single day! Enjoy every little moment because they grow so fast!
