Stop Allowing New Dads To Jump The 'Weighing' Queue.
I recently took my one year old for post-natal care what we call ‘weighing’ in Ghana. Due to the novel coronavirus, the previous hospital (Ghana-Canada Hospital ) closed the existing space for postnatal care and we were directed to Adjirigano Health Center for weighing and immunizations. This was my first time at this health center and on getting there I was truly disappointed. The state of the government health center was woeful and stood out in stark contrast to the prestigious residences of Adjirigano. This is a conversation for another day.
We were the third to arrive at the health center for weighing. We sat outside in the morning sun with social distancing measures in place, awaiting the nurses to start the process. A new Dad arrived some minutes after we did holding a baby girl of about 8 months, he sat a few feet away from us. I was actually delighted to see a man at weighing. It’s not a common sight. Sadly, my husband isn’t in the country to accompany me for weighing but I encouraged him several times and even when work kept him away he enquired of the process and stayed up to date with her growth and shots.
Finally a nurse arrived and she immediately began sharing information about the weighing process; in Twi. I tried to listen. She asked the mothers present not to get upset when they allow new moms with newborns to ‘jump’ the queue and she explained also that the Ghana Health Service is trying to encourage more new Dads to be part of postnatal activities that’s why there were men present and somewhere along those lines the Twi did me a number and I got lost in translation. It was only much later when we got home that my baby’s Nanny told me that the Nurse also mentioned that we should allow the men to jump the queue because they (the Dads) weren’t used to being present at weighing and being in such an environment. What??? Why??
Why should men be allowed to jump a queue during weighing? Why should we reward men for being part of a natural childcare process like weighing and immunization? Weren’t they part of the conception in the first place? So why treat them different and ‘special’ ? Postnatal isn’t a whole day’s activity and any new Dad should be able to make the time to know what it entails and the immunization shots their babies need in the event of any emergency. This isn’t the sole responsibility of mothers. I am sorry but no.
This directive issued for maternal centers is wrong and must be revoked asap! Let men be in the queue with the mothers. They will not die holding a crying baby! Neither will they be less of men if they change a soiled diaper whilst in the queue. If you are a new mother who has been going for weighing and you ever hear such a comment from any of the nurses please speak up! Let them know that it’s wrong for the men to jump the queue. We are all breaking our backs to take care of our children. Let them wait!
Too many men have grown up in homes where the mother is seen to do everything and knows everything regarding the children. It’s always Mother who knows the children’s class teacher’s name, the children’s date and place of birth, the children’s blood group, the child’s diet or their favorite games or toys. Ask the Father the same questions and he falls short.
This social norm of only mothers going for weighing must be broken, unlearned and relearned where the new normal is for new fathers to accompany their children’s mother to understand the procedure and then go by himself with the baby especially after the first 6 weeks of crucial immunization shots.
African parents, please help change the social narrative by encouraging and educating your sons not to be socially distant with regards to maternal health and childcare matters. It doesn’t take anything away from your sons to go for weighing with their wives or child’s mother. They will be strong men not weak men as you think.
As a new Dad, helping out does so much for your baby’s mother mental health. You have no idea. Instead of making excuses and hiding from diaper changes, feeding time, burping time, bathing time, diaper changes and more diaper changes, choose to be more involved in raising your child. Even if she’s your baby mama, show some interest. Ask questions, be present. It’s a beautiful thing to see more men showing up for postnatal because for too long have men been in the shadows and absentia when a newborn arrives. Showing up and not ‘hiding’ behind ‘I’m busy or I have a meeting.’ We are also busy and cracking our backs with Motherhood too, helloo?? This new phase of life is learnt and loved with all it’s upsides and downsides. It’s no wonder Father’s Day isn’t celebrated as much as Mother’s Day.
A friend once told me that, ‘ chale just see it as it’s just you and the baby for one year. The men won’t be there like you want them to. So it’s best you take care of your child by yourself for your own peace of mind.’ Sadly, that’s the reality of most moms but should it be so? Should we have zero expectations as new moms?
Pregnancy and childcare isn’t a mother’s sole responsibility. It didn’t take only a woman’s egg to create the new life which is birthed after 9months (ceteris paribus). It takes both a mother and a father to produce that life and once that life breathes and cries for the first time it’s both of them who must learn the ropes of being new parents.
