Getting past the negativity.
People will always have something to say about you. Whether in jest, brutal honesty or plain meanness. Some just wash off you like water droplets off a duck’s feathers, others stay with you lingering in the shadows until life happens and suddenly there they are! Words of discouragement, body shaming or some form of ridicule.
For me, I learnt in my early thirties to let go off negativity utterances. But to be honest, a few has stuck with me stubbornly like rabid fleas on a dog’s pale skin.
One time, a man in my former office said “You'll look funny paa as a pregnant woman oh! I can't even imagine you as a Mom.” I was so taken aback that I had no retort for him. Just unprovoked. This was one of those unkind remarks which stayed in the shadows with me until a few days when I lost my first pregnancy when it burst forth! “See! I told you! You'll look very weird pregnant.” From then on, I felt ashamed and unworthy. What ever made that person say that? Was it because I didn't have the stereotypical figure of a fertile African woman? My mind was filled with negative thoughts from day to day. Alot of guilt and self-blame.
I don't recall who but I was once questioned about my ability to cook because I was skinny. This was just about when I had started my food pop-ups. Shocking right? Honestly I've never heard of one's body size being the premise for having culinary skills. You are skinny therefore you can't cook. Sigh.
Getting past the negativity
Over the last two years I've gotten past a lot of negativity using several strategies which keep working for me today.
Speaking God's Word
When going through a storm, it's easy to lose faith and shout “Jesus! Are you sleeping??” Its easy to lose interest in prayer when you have a miscarriage, get laid off, lose your spouse, be abandoned by loved ones. It's easy to just quit than to walk in faith. A few times that i felt like quitting because I didn't feel God had been there, that was when I rather stayed in praise and prayer. Even if I was able to mutter “God, save me from this storm” it was something for me and it kept me going. I battled these negative words with what God has spoken about me and you can too. The mind is a battleground where positive and negative words roar and come against each other for control over you. I don't know about you but I'd rather have the positive words win this battle. I would look at myself in the mirror and tell myself “I am WORTHY.” “I will have another child because my womb is fruitful.” “My child will call me blessed.” I chose positivity instead of dwelling on what I had lost. I didn't let my pain consume me. Yes I grieved. I cried it out but finally I laid it out to the God who knows why He does what he does. Today I look at my 3year old daughter and I marvel at His goodness. I now understand why she came at the time she did. My pregnancy was a safe and healthy one and whoever said I didn't look like I could have children some years ago, i forgive you.
Sharpened My Skills
Cooking has always been part of me. But I never got the chance to cook what I really wanted to cook. I remember any time we visited an Aunt of mine, I'd spend more time perusing her bookshelf which housed many cookbooks! I'd read the recipes and sigh about the inaccessible ingredients. This was wayyyyy back in the early nineties. Age reveal 😅. But thank goodness for international trade, Accra has a bountiful number of supermarkets stocking imported food products from all over the world. Being raised up in a traditional Ghanaian home I can cook all the major soups and sauces but I have a very adventurous palate and a high curiousity for global cuisine. I watch food shows on Netflix and YouTube and head off into my kitchen to learn what I watched. Now I'm pro at making various Ramen dishes and other Asian fusion dishes in addition to our local dishes. Beating negative comments about one's abilities means being like water on a duck’s feathers (don't let those comments stick) and focusing on learning and developing your skills.
I'm thankful that I've matured over the years on how to handle and get past negativity. Several occasions I've found calmer ways to respond with the positive version of the same comment.
Many times negative words are uttered in ignorance, out of spite and in anger and the impact of these words are simply destructive. We must learn to be kind and think before we talk.
